A dark poem The witching hour Do you like it?


McLovin' , Monday, 2nd of August 2010 08:51:31 PM

There is was in the dark'howling noises and all types of voices' filled the 
McLovin'
air.
All l seen were shadows in shining black
with blood and 
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sulfur' seeping from the sacks.
l thought l was dreaming with all 
Joined: Monday, 31st of May 2010, 21:17:41
the screams
from the coffins in the woods.
They were singing 
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and screaming chants' from long ago.
They were wild as they danced ' 
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around the lady in the trance.
For next was the dance of death. />She would be the sacrificial lamb'
Before l knew what hit memy 
hair was on his pelt' wearing all kinds' like you wear a belt.
The 
big hooded one' with the gigantic teeth
screamed your next' as he 
threw me down the leaves.
Next thing l was praying' oh please let 
this be a dream
Then came a long tall being with long sharp horns'/>as he chanted Your already dead ' as you were never born...
/>Moho
poetry does not always rhyme like they told us in elementary' 
poetry is what comers to you' or from your heart.
EDIT It is a 
halloween story and l like it as does my man' and that is all that 
counts.sorry if you people do not like it.Post some you;ll like thenok/> 
 
 
 
 

star struck , Tuesday, 3rd of August 2010 09:43:35 AM

I loved it. It`s a great Halloween story. And you are so right,  
star struck
If they don`t like just keep on walking. We really can manage without your  
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comments. Really.  
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Toe nibbler , Wednesday, 4th of August 2010 08:11:42 PM

Wow -- you are good. I could certainly visualize this, and the  
Toe nibbler
flow is good so as to not interrupt the visualization.  
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Dorkfish , Thursday, 5th of August 2010 05:54:24 AM

I like it! It doesn't have to rhyme just like you said! I  
Dorkfish
love it! Keep on writing more poetry, and you will only get better. But  
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don't put ones that are too damn good on , because they might get stolen  
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from you. ah! :P  
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Shnookiebuns , Friday, 6th of August 2010 05:04:22 PM

I liked the story,,,, Now the rest needs to be written properly  
Shnookiebuns
,,,This is not a slam  
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Our LiL Bud-dy,,, Up there,,, Majored in something ,,But He needs more  
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help ,,,, then re-writting this poem  
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Sweetums , Saturday, 7th of August 2010 12:40:41 AM

it is good.. yes we like it. the beginning is stronger then the  
Sweetums
end. way too many apostrophe's. found their usage to be confusing.  
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pondering them took away from the rest of the poem. you should also hack  
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the second word. ''is was''. is. well. humm. pick a tense and stick with  
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it.  
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white mischief , Sunday, 8th of August 2010 06:01:59 PM

Angel i liked this a lot as it was scary and great for  
white mischief
halloween.  
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Honey , Monday, 9th of August 2010 01:02:18 AM

You're right, poems don't have to rhyme.  
Honey
 
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Ignore the poet of the night guy. He MIGHT have majored in poetry, but he  
Joined: Sunday, 13th of June 2010, 10:57:20
wasn't paying attention in class. He is ''mistaken'' in several of his  
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comments.  
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I would make sure to double check for typos & spelling errors. Also make  
sure you're using punctuation correctly. You have a LOT of apostrophes  
that don't belong there.  
 
I'd also consider simplifying what you're written to get rid of  
unnecessary words that take away from the feel of the poem. For example:  
 
There is was in the dark'howling noises & all types of voices' filled the  
air.  
All i seen were shadows in shining black  
with blood & sulfur' seeping from the sacks.  
 
Could be:  
 
Howling noises in the darkness  
Chilling voices filled the air  
All I can see are shadows shining black  
With blood seeping from heavy sacks  
 
I hope that helps!  
 
 
 
 
 
 

giggle kitten , Tuesday, 10th of August 2010 01:12:14 PM

It is not a poem. Hardly makes sense.  
giggle kitten
 
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Poetry is an art form. The first step is to learn proper grammar.  
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The second step is to learn about trope, metaphor, and metrics.  
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The third step is to apply them.  
 
This is prose. There is a difference, I don't care what they told you in  
elementary, poetry this is not. How do I know?  
 
Because it is what I majored in.  
 
 
 
 
 

moobear , Wednesday, 11th of August 2010 08:33:34 AM

oOoOO, i do like this poem  
moobear
 
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Puddles , Thursday, 12th of August 2010 05:57:40 AM

no cuz it doesn't rhume good.. but its got good atmosphere..  
Puddles
poems shud rhyme tho  
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